Disclaimer: The following editorial is meant to be taken entirely in good humour. I do, in fact, like most of my professors (believe it or not).

“Since you know about it early, you can start right away!”
Really? Thanks for the heads up. Believe it or not, before this mammoth final paper, I have four midterms and a bajillion other assignments to finish. Excuse me while I ask my robot clone to get started on this paper four months in advance.

“I think you’re really going to enjoy this reading.”
What I’ll really enjoy is a nap, but if you say so.

“Call me Doctor ________, not Ms ________.” (A professor said this in one of my lectures in first-year.)
Or I could just drop your class? (I left the lecture, went to the library and dropped her class right away. Sorry, Doctor I-Love-Myself)

“Yes, you must purchase the new edition of the book.”
Are you going to pay for it? I thought so. (Rich people these days…)

“I think the exam is pretty straightforward, there should be no surprises.”
LIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Liar.

“This should be a really easy course if you study.”
Well, in a perfect world I wouldn’t need to be here to get a job in the first place. Alas, the world isn’t perfect, and therefore, this course is not going to be really easy. Ever.

“You should be reviewing your notes after each lecture.”
…Are there suddenly 36 hours in a day or something?

“This group project is to make the class more fun!”
When I’m up in the middle of the night finishing the project by myself because everyone else is either a) incompetent or b) lazy, I’ll call you and we’ll see how much fun it really is.

“The exam is cumulative because you can’t understand the later material unless you understand the earlier stuff.”
Or you’re just trying to justify the fact that you want to make the final exam a pain in the ass.

“I’m giving you a lot of reading to prepare you for graduate school.”
Have you ever considered that I need to make it to graduate school first? I have other courses, you crazy!

“Believe it or not, I have a life outside of this university.”
No comment.

Sincerely,
Aly Kassam
Editor-in-Chief