Welcome, young UTSC “Raccoons,” to our splendid little school. Get ready for an interesting experience!

Now I know some of you Froshies were athletes throughout high school, and let me tell you: you don’t need to throw away your health for university.

UTSC will attempt to tug your soul out of your body with every essay and tedious lab. But stay strong! The gym can be your rock; a place to establish your perfect centre. I know students are terrified of the dreaded “Freshman Fifteen,” but you only gain weight when you ignore your body.

Anyone interested in playing some hockey? UTSC offers several rec leagues for you to join and all you have to do is bring your equipment. The hockey leagues are always looking for players, so please join so that we can beat those bastards at UTM (It’s a tradition).

Newbies to Canada probably think our country is all about hockey. But if a cricket bat or a rugby ball is your thing, don’t give it up. You have plenty of room to do your thing down in the Valley. I have to admit, there are probably more cricket players than puck players on campus.

Those of you on res, please put down the brew and pick up a damn dumbbell. I know you’re probably away from your parents for the first time, but don’t blow all your money and free time on drinking (although Frosh Week truly is a grand party…for the 19 year-olds, of course).

Think about it: girls are rocking skin-tight shorts in the gym, not yakking Smirnoff Ice behind Foley Hall. Ladies, same goes for you, except it’s sleeveless shirts and the puke is beer (not Smirnoff Ice because it would be against Man Law to touch the stuff).

Here’s a fun fact: the U of T Varsity baseball team plays their home games at UTSC. You upper-year students probably didn’t know this because most of you think the Valley is a place of violence and green smoke. And you may just be right. Kidding, of course.

But seriously, you Froshies need to check out a game. The boys in blue went 10-4 last year and they sure as hell would do even better if more than the scorekeepers were in the stands.