Photo Courtesy / Kilian Bugayong

The norm, when it comes to dominant/submissive sexual relations, is that typically, the male takes on the role of the dominant, and the female falls easily into playing the submissive puppet. However, talking about norms is boring and taboo is what makes deviancy all the more fun. So we hand the stage to those males who let their guard down and sit back and relax while they watch their ladies handcuff them to the bedposts. How does this perversion of the ‘natural’ power roles occur? What would make a man, who society dictates should be aggressive and dominant, crave to be tied up, choked, slapped and potentially butt-raped?

This is the beauty of our ever-growing and accepting society. We can drown out sexism to encourage women to become police officers and fire fighters, and the same happens vice versa; men find the courage to break out of conventional roles and express their emotions and vulnerability.The lines between the sexes have become blurry.

When does the need for a femdom come into play for the male-sub (BDSM talk for ‘dominating female’ and ‘submissive male’)?

A study done by Gini Graham Scott suggests that “females may find sexual dominance appealing as a balance to an overall submissive lifestyle,” and implicates the opposite for males: those that lead very demanding lifestyles in which it is necessary for them to take leadership, may want to take on a more submissive role in order to balance out their lives.

Rachel Kramer Bussel, author of She’s On Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, paints the picture more accurately with an excerpt from her novel: “He is grateful for the chance to shed some of the macho mask he must wear day in and day out, to snivel and quake and proffer himself to her, whether to earn praise and a pat on the head or a powerful spanking or heavenly beating. He wants her to tie him up, shove her breasts in his face, and tease his cock until he’s ready to explode. He longs to kneel at her feet, lick her boots, and worship her in every sense of the word, but he keeps quiet; she will decide when and how she wants to have her way with him.” Come on guys, could you handle it?

Funnily enough, a study from Michael Kimmel shows that “across all media both sexes are shown relatively frequently in both dominant and submissive roles,” suggesting a greater sexual fluidity of power roles than the gender stereotypes allude to. So why not shake things up? If you find yourself always been grabbed by the hair and thrown against a wall, catch your partner off guard, and take the lead this time. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover a whole new non-heteronormative side of yourself bursting to get out!